you could add/remove someone in your life using the control panel. you could put your kids in the recycle bin and restore them when you feel like it ! you could improve your appearance by adjusting the display settings. you could turn off the speakers when life gets too noisy. you could click on "find"( ctrl,f)to recover your lost remote control and car keys. to get your daily exercise,just click on "run"!if you mess up your life,you could always press "ctrl,alt," and start all over!
A little old lady goes to the doctor and says, ¨Doctor, I have this problem with gas, but it doesn't really bother me too much. They never small and are always silent.
As a matter Of fact, I've farted at least 20 times since I've been here in your office. You didn't know l was farting because they don't smell and are silent.” The doctor says, ¨I see, Here's aprescription.
Take these piles 3 times a day for seven days and come back to see me next week." The next week the lady goes back. "Doctor," she says, ¨I don't know what the hell you gave me, but now my farts…although still silent... stink terribly.
The doctor says, “Good! Now that we've cleared up your sinuses, let's start working on your hearing."
It was the Christmas season and the judge was in a merry mood as he asked the prisoner, “What is your offense?”
“I did my Christmas shopping early this year,” cried the prisoner.
“There's nothing wrong with that,” said the Judge. How early were you doing this shopping?”
“Before the store opened, ”answered the prisoner.
你太晚了 You are too late【4】
On a bus a man discovered a pickpocket's hand thrust into his pocket.
"sorry," he said to the pickpocket, "you are too late. MY wife did it before you."
Policeman:Why didn't you shout for help when you were robbed Of your watch?
Man: lf I had opened my mouth,they'd have found my four gold teeth. That would be much worse.
jerry went to a psychiatrist. "doc," he said, "l've got trouble.every time i get into bed, i think there's somebody under it. l'm going crazy!" "just put yourself in my hands for one year, said the shrink. "come to me three times a week, and l'ii cure your fears." "how much do you charge?" one hundred dollars per visit. " i'll sleep on it, " said jerry. six months later the doctormet jerry on the street. "why didn't you ever come to see me again?" asked the psychiatrist.¨for a hundred bucks a visit? the bartender cured me for$10．"" is that so! how?"¨he told me to cut the legs off the bed! ain't nobody under there now!!!"
The Second World War had begun, and John wanted to join the army, but he was only 16 years old, and boys were allowed to join only if they were over 18. So when the army doctor examined him, he said that he was 18.
But John‘s brother had joined the army a few days before, and the same doctor had examined him too. This doctor remembered the older boy‘s family name, so when he saw John‘s papers, he was surprised.
"How old are you?" he said.
"Eighteen, sir," said John.
"But your brother was eighteen, too," said the doctor. "Are you twins?"
"Oh, no, sir," said John, and his face went red. "My brother is five months older than I am."
Two soldiers were in camp. The first one‘s name was George, and the second one‘s name was Bill. George said, "have you got a piece of paper and an envelope, Bill?"
Bill said, "Yes, I have," and he gave them to him.
Then George said, "Now I haven‘t got a pen." Bill gave him his, and George wrote his letter. Then he put it in the envelope and said, "have you got a stamp, Bill?" Bill gave him one.
Then Bill got up and went to the door, so George said to him, "Are you going out?"
Bill Said, "Yes, I am," and he opened the door.
George said, "Please put my letter in the box in the office, and..." He stopped.
"What do you want now?" Bill said to him.
George looked at the envelope of his letter and answered, "What‘s your girl-friend‘s address?"