Now, I make my living talking to people: Nobel Prize winners, truck drivers, billionaires, kindergarten teachers, heads of state, plumbers. I talk to people that I like. I talk to people that I don't like. I talk to some people that I disagree with deeply on a personal level. But I still have a great conversation with them. So I'd like to spend the next 10 minutes or so teaching you how to talk and how to listen.
现在，我的职业就是跟别人谈话。 诺贝尔奖获得者、卡车司机、 亿万富翁、幼儿园老师， 州长、水管工。 我和我喜欢的人交谈， 也和我不喜欢的人交谈。 我和在个人层面 非常不认同的人交谈。 但我仍旧和他们有很好的交流。 所以我希望用接下来的10分钟 教你们如何谈话， 以及如何倾听。
Many of you have already heard a lot of advice on this, things like look the person in the eye, think of interesting topics to discuss in advance, look, nod and smile to show that you're paying attention, repeat back what you just heard or summarize it. So I want you to forget all of that. It is crap.There is no reason to learn how to show you're paying attention if you are in fact paying attention.
你们中间很多人已经听过无数建议， 比如看着对方的眼睛， 提前想好可以讨论的有趣话题， 注视，点头并且微笑 来表明你的专注， 重复你刚才听到的，或者做总结。 我想让你们忘掉所有这些， 全都没用。根本没必要去学习如何表现你很专心， 如果你确实很专心。
Now, I actually use the exact same skills as a professional interviewer that I do in regular life. So, I'm going to teach you how to interview people, and that's actually going to help you learn how to be better conversationalists. Learn to have a conversation without wasting your time, without getting bored, and, please God, without offending anybody.
我其实是把作为职业访谈者一模一样的技巧用在了日常生活中。 好，我要来教你们 如何采访他人， 这其实会帮助你们学习 如何成为更好的沟通者。 学习开始一段交谈， 不浪费时间，不感到无聊， 以及，最重要的是，不冒犯任何人。
We've all had really great conversations. We've had them before. We know what it's like. The kind of conversation where you walk away feeling engaged and inspired, or where you feel like you've made a real connection or you've been perfectly understood. There is no reason why most of your interactions can't be like that.
我们都曾有过很棒的交谈。 我们都曾有过。 我们知道那是什么感觉。 那种结束之后令你感到 很享受，很受鼓舞的交谈， 或者令你觉得你和别人 建立了真实的连接， 或者让你完全得到了他人的理解。 没有理由说你大部分人际互动不能成为那样。
So I have 10 basic rules. I'm going to walk you through all of them, but honestly, if you just choose one of them and master it, you'll already enjoy better conversations.
我有10条基本规则。 我会一条条给你们解释， 但说真的，如果你 选择一条并且熟练掌握， 你就已经可以享受 更愉快的交谈了。
Number one: Don't multitask. And I don't mean just set down your cell phone or your tablet or your car keys or whatever is in your hand. I mean, be present. Be in that moment. Don't think about your argument you had with your boss. Don't think about what you're going to have for dinner. If you want to get out of the conversation, get out of the conversation, but don't be half in it and half out of it.
第一条：不要三心二意。 我不是说单纯放下你的手机、 平板电脑、车钥匙， 或者随便什么握在手里的东西。 我的意思是，处在当下。 进入那个情境中去。 不要想着你之前和老板的争吵。 不要想着你晚饭吃什么。 如果你想退出交谈， 就退出交谈。 但不要身在曹营心在汉。
Number two: Don't pontificate. If you want to state your opinion without any opportunity for response or argument or pushback or growth, write a blog. Now, there's a really good reason why I don't allow pundits on my show: Because they're really boring. If they're conservative, they're going to hate Obama and food stamps and abortion. If they're liberal, they're going to hate big banks and oil corporations and Dick Cheney. Totally predictable. And you don't want to be like that. You need to enter every conversation assuming that you have something to learn. The famed therapist M. Scott Peck said that true listening requires a setting aside of oneself. And sometimes that means setting aside your personal opinion. He said that sensing this acceptance, the speaker will become less and less vulnerable and more and more likely to open up the inner recesses of his or her mind to the listener. Again, assume that you have something to learn.
第二条：不要好为人师。如果你想要表达自己的看法， 又不想留下任何机会让人 回应、争论、反驳或阐发， 写博客去。有个很好的理由来说明 我的谈话里为什么不允许有“专家说教”： 因为真的很无聊。 如果对方是个保守派， 那一定讨厌奥巴马、食品券和堕胎。 如果对方是个自由派， 那一定会讨厌 大银行、石油公司和迪克·切尼。 完全可以预测的。 你肯定不希望那样。 你需要在进入每一次交流时 都假定自己可以学习到一些东西。 著名的治疗师 M.斯科特·派克说过， 真正的倾听需要把自己放在一边。 有时候，这意味着 把你的个人观点放在一边。 他说感受到这种接纳， 说话的人会变得越来越不脆弱敏感， 因而越来越有可能 打开自己的内心世界， 呈现给倾听者。 再强调一遍， 假定你需要学习新东西。