有关医生和病人的幽默和笑话
为帮助大家在轻松愉快的氛围中掌握英语基础知识，下面是小编分享给大家的有关医生和病人的幽默和笑话，开怀一笑吧!
医生和病人的幽默和笑话1
1、我曾经有多重人格，但我们现在感觉很好。
Once I had multiple personalities, but now we are feeling well.
2、我不为疯狂苦恼，我享受每一分钟。
I don''t suffer from insanity, I enjoy every minute.
3、我过去常常犹豫不决，现在我不肯定。
I used to be indecisive. Now I''m not sure.
4、作为一个精神分裂患者最大的好处是我从不孤单。
The best thing about being schizophrenic is that I''m never alone.
5、一个小伙子进去看心理医生，“我好象和别人交不了朋友，你能帮帮我吗：你这头胖猪。”
A guy goes in to see a psychologist. He says, It seems I can''t make any friends. Can you help me, you fat slob?
6、我是真心和你交朋友，你傻乎乎的该知足了。
A：医生，快点儿，我儿子吞了一个刮胡子刀片。
B：别慌，我马上就到，你做了什么没有?
A：我用电动剃须刀刮了胡子。
Doctor, please hurry. My son swallowed a razor-blade.
Don''t panic, I''m coming immediately. Have you done anything yet ?
Yea, I shaved with the electric razor
7、病人手术后醒过来，外科医生对他说，“恐怕还要给你做次手术，我把橡胶手套落你肚里了。”
“如果就这点儿事儿，你让我安静会儿吧，我给你手套钱。”
The surgeon told his patient that woke up after having been operated: I''m afraid we''re going to have to operate you again. Because, you see, I forgot my rubber gloves inside you.
Well, if it''s just because of them, I''d rather pay for them if you just leave me alone.
8、医生：我有一条坏消息和一条非常坏的消息。
病人：还是先给我说坏消息吧。
医生：你的检查结果出来了，你只能活24小时了。
病人：24小时，太可怕了，还有什么比这更糟糕的呢?非常坏的消息是什么?
医生：从昨天我就一直在找你。
Doctor: I have some bad news and some very bad news.
Patient: Well, might as well give me the bad news first.
Doctor: The lab called with your test results. They said you have 24 hours to live.
Patient: 24 HOURS! Thats terrible!! WHAT could be WORSE? What''s the very bad news?
Doctor: I''ve been trying to reach you since yesterday.
9、一个人最近感觉不好，就去看医生，想做次全面体检，看看是不是病了。体检后医生拿着检查结果出来了。
“恐怕不是什么好消息，你快死了，没有多少时间了，”医生说。
“太可怕了，我还能活多长时间?”这人问。
“10…”医生说。
“10什么?月?星期?还是什么?”病人急切地问。
“10， 9， 8，……”
A man goes to his doctor for a complete checkup. He hasn''t been feeling well and wants to find out if he''s ill. After the checkup the doctor comes out with the results of the examination.
I''m afraid I have some bad news. You''re dying and you don''t have much time, the doctor says.
Oh no, that''s terrible. How long have I got? the man asks.
10... says the doctor.
10? 10 what? Months? Weeks? What?! he asks desperately.
10...9...8...7...
10、女人说自己浑身上下哪儿都疼，她用中指摸了一下右膝喊，“疼“，摸了一下左脸又喊”疼”，医生给她做了全面检查说，“你手指头断了。”
The woman touched her right knee with her index finger and yelled, Ow, that hurts. Then she touched her left cheek and again yelled, Ouch! That hurts, too. Then she touched her right earlobe, Ow, even THAT hurts, she cried.
The doctor checked her thoughtfully for a moment and told her his diagnosis, You have a broken finger.
11、医生告诉我两星期他就能让我下地。
“他行吗?”
“为了付帐单我不得不卖了汽车。”
The doctor said he would have me on my feet in two weeks.
And did he?
Yes, I had to sell the car to pay the bill.
医生和病人的幽默和笑话2
医生问长工是怎幺把腿跌断的，长工说：“二十五年前，我在一个财主家当长工，有一天晚上，财主的独生女儿来找我，问我：‘你有什幺需要我的地方吗？’我回答说：‘没有。’她又问道：‘你真的不需要我吗？’我说：‘真的不需要。’然后她就走了。”医生问道：“那幺，这与你摔断腿有什幺关系呢？”长工说：“昨天当我正在房顶上修屋顶时，我忽然明白了她的意思。”
有一天在手术房里，主治医生对实习医生说“以后手术是不准带水果进来。”
实习医生疑惑的.问说“为什幺呢？”
主治医生说“我刚刚不小心把一颗扒了皮的荔枝，植入病患的眼里。”
病人对医生说：我行为不检点，医生，我的良心一直困扰不安。
医生理解地说：那你一定需要些什幺东西来增强你的意志力。
其实啊，病人说，我更想知道要什幺东西可以减弱良心。
祖母和孙女在诊室里。解开衣服，医生对漂亮的姑娘说。不，大夫，老太太说：我是病人。是吗？那么伸出舌头。
病人从手术室逃出来找院长：“护士讲不要害怕，镇定点，手术很简单。”院长：“这话不对吗？”病人：“可她是对医生讲这话的。”
一村妇去军队医院小便化验。她不知要多少，便搞了一大盆端去找医生。恰好医生喊下一位：“高举”，村妇听话的将尿盆举过头顶，战士响亮的答“到”……
父亲：“医生，药水多配几瓶好吗？”医生：“一瓶足够了，有别的小孩感冒了？”父亲：“我这小孩，要他喝一勺，我们也得陪他喝一勺。”
医生吩咐病人：黄色药丸治胃痛，白色药丸治心脏病。清楚了吗？病人说：清楚了，只希望那些药丸清楚它们该到什么地方去。
医生小心检查过漂亮女病人后，开心地说：王太太，我有好消息告诉你。病人：不。我是王小姐。医生：噢，那么，我有坏消息告诉你。
医生看了半天病人的喉咙，问：“你用盐水漱过口吗？这对你有好处。”
病人顿时不快起来：“漱过，前天我去海里游泳，差一点就呛死了。”
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